Focus on Selfish Leadership

Selfish. It’s one of those words that feels heavy in the mouth. From childhood, we’re told not to be selfish but instead to share, to give, to think of others first. But what if, as Gary Parsons suggests in this week’s Focus on WHY podcast episode 484 Reinventing Selfish Leadership, we’ve had it all wrong?

Some words, when reframed, flip their meaning entirely. ‘Selfish’ is one of them. Broken down, it simply means to have the character of oneself, to focus on one’s own needs and gains. Yet we tend to only use it in a disapproving way to describe someone who exclusively focuses on their own needs. While we have words like self-reliant, independent or self-focused, none quite capture the healthy act of prioritising one’s own wellbeing. That’s exactly what Gary invites us to reconsider.

He admits that for years, he put everyone else first—his team, his clients, even complete strangers. It’s a pattern that as a leader, entrepreneur or a carer you would recognise. Defining your worth by how available and indispensable you are. Eventually, Gary burned out. Success, he realised, means very little when you’ve lost sight of yourself.

Yet Gary's story is one of rediscovery not defeat. His turning point came when he reinvented what ‘selfish’ really meant. For him, it's not about greed; it’s about maintenance. ‘If I can’t show up for myself, how can I possibly show up for you?’ he asks. Like a phone battery, you can’t run on empty and expect to perform.

By sharing his struggles, something he once feared might damage his reputation, Gary has deepened his connections. Vulnerability, he’s learned, is power built on honesty.

So, yes, I wholeheartedly agree with Gary. It’s time to reclaim ‘selfish’ and live and lead life in a way that focuses on nurturing yourself so you can create more to give.

This week, pick one way to recharge your battery: say no, set a boundary, ask for help or simply rest. Then notice how turning your care inward expands what you’re able to give outward.

Focus on Selfish Leadership! Focus on Why!

Reflection with Action: Where in your life could you be more ‘selfish’ from a place of self-respect not neglect?